


If It Means A Lot To You

by NewFriendJen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: literally just pure angst, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 15:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30141990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewFriendJen/pseuds/NewFriendJen
Summary: Cross posted to TumblrA Songfic based on the song of the same title by A Day to RememberSemi and his band, ‘Angst Central’, land a world tour that starts in America. Will your relationship be able to survive the distance the year apart creates between you?
Relationships: Semi Eita/Reader
Kudos: 1





	1. If It Means A Lot To You

_And hey, darling_

_I hope you’re good tonight_

_And I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving_

_Yeah, I want it, but no, I don’t need it_

_Tell me something sweet to get me by_

_‘Cause I can’t come back home ‘til they’re singing_

* * *

352 Days. 242 shows. That’s the distance that separated Semi from you.

Adrenaline and alcohol coursed through Semi’s veins as he finally collapsed into the lush bed of his hotel room. His band, ’Angst Central’, had completed their first show in the United States several hours ago. Every time he had performed before tonight had been electrifying- the energy radiating in the crowded venues thrumming in his veins as he sang. He hadn’t realized how different performing in a huge stadium would be. He felt so disconnected as he moved on the stage, the voices of the crowd drowned out by the sheer size of the venue space.

He had taken a moment to close his eyes, the heat of the stage lights warming his face, and let his thoughts drift back to you. When he had turned back to the crowd he had imagined that you were there, hidden among his fans, the bright smile he was so utterly enraptured with pushing him forwards through the set.

You were his anchor as he drifted through the sea of change.

His phone vibrated softly beside him, the screen lighting up to reveal a photo of the two of you. It was one that Taichi had taken while your friend group was at the beach. You were carrying him on your back with the happiest look on your face. He loved looking at the photo. It was a solid reminder of just how much you love him.

God he missed you so much already. Taking a peek at the time, he realized you would have just gotten home from work. You were probably starting to make dinner, or maybe you’d order in if you’d had a rough day. His fingers itched to call you, but he hesitated. He didn’t want to call you when he was drunk and low from the disappointment of his first show.

He rolled to his stomach, pushing his phone to the other side of the bed, just out of reach. He would call you in the morning when he had his head on straight.

The sound of his phone ringing woke Semi from his sleep. He groaned as he rolled over to grab the device, his annoyance at being woken up dissipating as he noticed your name on the screen.

“Hey babe,” he rasped as he settled back onto the pillows.

“Oh, did I wake you up?”

He could hear the concern and guilt in your voice. He chuckled, you really wore your heart on your sleeve. “It’s okay. It’s an honor to get to wake up to the sound of your voice every day.” He knew that his sweet words would have your cheeks warming. He could easily picture you curled up in bed, his pillow pulled against your chest so that you can bury your face into it when you get embarrassed. His heart swelled at the thought, the longing to be by your side again growing. “What time is it for you babe?”

“It’s around 11. I was just getting ready to head to sleep. I just wanted to hear your voice before I did.” You spoke softly, your words slightly muffled by the pillow. “I miss you already,” you added quietly. He wasn’t sure if you had meant for it to be loud enough for him to hear, but he had heard it anyways. His heart ached to hear you sound so timid.

“I miss you too YN,” he said tenderly. “I’ll be back by your side before you know it babe.”

He would make the distance between you worth it.

He would come back with the world screaming his name.

* * *

_And hey, sweetie_

_Well, I need you here tonight_

_And I know that you don’t want to be leaving me_

_Yeah, you want it, but I can’t help it_

_I just feel complete when you’re by my side_

_But I know you can’t come home 'til they’re singing_

* * *

193 Days. 131 shows. That’s the distance that separated you from Semi.

You have always supported Semi and his band mates. They were incredibly talented, and watching them achieve their dreams should have brought you as much joy while they were away as it did when you were able to stand in the crowd at their shows.

But it didn’t. Instead you were filled with worry and insecurity. How could you feel anything else watching your boyfriend’s face appear on the screen beside adoring fans who stood too close for your taste? How could you cheer for their success when rumors of wild parties and mysterious hook ups haunted your dreams after old classmates would send them to you?

You trusted Semi, you did, but you also couldn’t let yourself be naive to the fact that success has a tendency to change people. Especially in the world of music. Would Semi find someone else while he was so far from you? Without you standing beside him would he realize that someone else was better fit to fill your role?

Would he walk away from this tour with the same love for you as he had when he began his journey?

You were struggling to fight the insecurities you felt without your boyfriend’s presence beside you. A cold fire burned in your heart as you laid in your empty bed longing to hear the barely audible beating of another heart in your apartment. To smell the musky scent of cologne as the warmth of another body encompassed you. To feel the feverish touch of calloused hands on your skin. To fall asleep listening to the content hum of a song as a face buried in your hair.

Yet the apartment was silent, your skin cold. The air filled with only the scent of laundry detergent emanating from your clean sheets.

You had never felt so alone.

Your fingers clutched your phone tightly against your chest, blocking the image of you and Semi that occupied the screen. You took a steadying breath, clenching your eyes shut in an effort to fight back the tears welling within them. You opened your contacts and dialed his number, listening to the soft trills of the call as they rang through your speaker.

Voicemail. You sighed, curling to your side and drawing your legs to your chest as you waited for the beep to signal the beginning of your message.

* * *

Life on the road was a lot more chaotic than Semi had ever imagined it would be. He was sleep deprived, his energy running thin. If he wasn’t performing, they were doing promotional spots, or interviews, even the occasional fan meet and greet. He didn’t take the band’s new found fame for granted- he remembered how hard they had worked to get here- but he missed the simplicity his life at home with you offered.

From waking up to the warmth of your body curled against his, to the mouthwatering smell of whatever you had cooked permeating the apartment air when he returned home for the day: he longed for the comfort of your presence.

Today was an off day, which meant they wouldn’t be performing. That didn’t mean they were free, much to his disappointment. They were booked for a photoshoot and an interview for a popular music magazine. The photo shoot took much longer than they had expected, with all of the little mishaps on the set and the band’s lack of experience adding to the complications. The interview was the shorter part of the process, but was also more draining. By the time he had returned to his hotel room he wanted to crawl into the bed and sleep for days.

As his head hit the pillow, he checked his phone for the first time since they had left the previous city the day before. He sat up with a frown as he saw the missed call from you. “Dammit,” he muttered under his breath as he opened the voicemail you had left for him.

“Hi babe.” Your voice trembled, the strain of your tears evident in the tone. Semi felt his heart shatter. He had missed this call, one where you had very obviously needed him.

“You’re probably sleeping right now. I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be from playing so many shows the past few days.” Semi laughed dryly. Of course you were worrying about him when you were the one crying into his voicemail.

“I’m so proud of you Eita.” A lump formed in his throat at the genuine adoration coating your words. He really doesn’t deserve you.

“I watched some of the videos from the shows. You look so good standing on that big stage. Everyone loves you. They’re all talking about how much range your voice has, and how you always manage to imbue such strong emotions into each and every performance.” Of course you were keeping tabs on what they were saying about him. Why would have ever expected anything else from his biggest fan.

“They also talk about how cute you are. Even though they quickly add on how terribly you dress.” You giggled weakly at your joke, eliciting an eye roll from him. You had overheard Tendou mention about his more questionable fashion choices one time and you had never let him live it down.

He heard you sigh, followed by shuffling. He imagined you lying in the bed you shared with him, the heavy comforter wrapped over your head, the only part of you peeking out being your face. He always teased you for being so cold all the time, but he loved using your cold nature as an excuse to cuddle you closer to him.

“I didn’t expect it to be this hard,” you croaked. He could hear the sniffles in the background as you held the phone away from you. His soul ached to know that you were so sad, so lonely without him there. It took everything in him to not just give up and return to you, but he had made you and himself a promise. He would come back with the world screaming his name, and he intended to keep that promise.

He checked the time after listening to the last few seconds of the voicemail. You would still be at work he realized disgruntledly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stay awake for much longer, not with having to wake so early to head out on the road again, so he opened his messages and shot you a text. That would have to work for now, and he would make sure to call you tomorrow night.

S: I’m so so sorry that I missed your call. I feel like shit for not being there when you needed me. I promise I’ll make this all up to you when I get back, okay? I miss you so damn much baby. Thank you for sticking by me through this. You mean the world to me YN. I love you.

* * *

_You know you can’t give me what I need_

_And even though you mean so much to me_

_I can’t wait through everything_

* * *

126 days. 93 shows. That’s the distance that separated you from Semi.

You tried to be understanding. To let your patience guide you through this journey. But it was too much. Busy days turned into busy nights. Nightly phone calls turned into good night texts, and eventually even those stopped appearing. You could count on one hand the number of times you had been able to hold a full conversation with Semi over the past month and a half.

It felt as though he was replacing you, and the thought alone was torturous.

You couldn’t handle this anymore. You were tired of being alone. Tired of waiting for him to deem you worth his time again. Enough was enough.

You pulled your phone from your pocket as you entered the house, sitting the small bag of take out food onto the counter. Semi would be asleep right now, given that it was a little after 4 in the morning where he currently was. You scoffed as the line went straight to voicemail. Of course his phone wouldn’t even be on. Whether he had shut it off intentionally or he had simply forgotten to charge it, you no longer cared. Your decision was made.

Beep.

“Hey. It’s me. This will be the last time you hear from me. I can’t do this anymore. You may be the love of my life, but this distance between us hurts too much. I would say I’m sorry, but what’s the point in apologizing now. Good luck. I hope that you accomplish what you set out to do. Goodbye Semi.”

* * *

_Is this really happening?_

_I swear, I’ll never be happy again_

_And don’t you dare say we can just be friends_

_I’m not some boy that you can sway_

_We knew it’d happen eventually_

* * *

Semi stumbled out of bed, rushing to the small bathroom to empty the contents of his churning stomach. The band had gone out to celebrate the night before, one big get together with the team before their ten day vacation. The thought of a vacation revitalized him, as he rushed to grab his phone and call you. Pulling the device from the discarded pocket of his jeans, he groaned as he realized it was dead. He plugged it into the charger, letting it sit while he showered off the remnants of the night before.

He was halfway through packing a travel bag when his phone rang. The sound startled him, but he recovered quickly and snatched it from its place on the nightstand. He scowled as he read his manager’s name on the screen. He ignored the call, making a mental note to call her back shortly. He went to his call screen, fingers hovering over your name when he noticed the notification of a missed call from you and a voicemail. He couldn’t explain why, but his stomach dropped at the little symbol. Something was wrong, he just couldn’t place what.

He felt as though he was going to be sick as he listened to your voicemail, tears streamed down his cheeks as he sat on the edge of his bed.

No.

He wasn’t going to lose you. This life wasn’t worth living if you weren’t going to be there to share it with him. He quickly booked a ticket for the next flight to Japan.

He rushed to the airport, barely making it through the security checkpoint in time to catch the flight. He was out of breath as he nearly sprinted to the gate. He sank into his seat, staring out the window as the plane took off. His fingers made their way into his pocket, rubbing over the smooth exterior of the small box he had stowed there after boarding.

“I’m coming baby, please don’t give up on me just yet.”

* * *

_La, la la la, la la la, now everybody’s singing_

_If you can wait till I get home_

* * *

You placed the heavy box behind the couch in your living room beside the others. As painful as it was to pack Semi’s belongings into the frail cardboard packages, you knew it would be easier to have them moved into storage at one of his friends. You couldn’t handle the constant reminders of him. You sighed, glancing around the living area to see if you had missed anything. Your phone vibrates harshly against the kitchen counter where you had placed it. The screen was face down, and you were hesitant to pick it up, too afraid to see Semi’s name on the screen. Taking a deep breath in you grabbed it, letting out a sigh of relief when you saw Taichi’s name instead.

“Hey Tai-chan,” you greeted. He cut you off before you could add anything more.“Where are you right now YN?”

You frowned, worry bubbling in your stomach at the sound of his panicked tone. “Uh, at home? Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’m on my way there. Just do me a favor okay, don’t get on any of your socials or watch tv until I get there okay? I’ll be there within the next twenty minutes.”

You were pacing the floor nervously as you waited for your best friend to arrive. Your thoughts ran wild as you listened to the repeated ding of notifications on your phone. Had Semi cheated on you? Was that why Taichi sounded so panicked? You had broken up with him less than 12 hours ago, so it wouldn’t matter anymore. Not that Taichi or anyone else knew that yet.

The sound of your phone ringing startled you. Grabbing the device your heart dropped when you saw that it was Semi’s manager calling you. So whatever happened was related to your boy- ex-boyfriend. She was probably calling you to do damage control.

You shouldn’t answer. You should just ignore the call and wait for Taichi to tell you how to handle it, but your gut was telling you that you needed to accept this call.

“Hello?” You listened as his manager talked on the other line, the world crumbling around you as her words soaked into your mind. The door to your apartment opened, Taichi rushing inside. He stopped as he saw you turn to him with wide, watery eyes and a panicked expression.

“Tai- please tell me this isn’t real.”

He closed his eyes for a few seconds before he closed the distance between you, letting you collapse against him.

“This can’t be happening,” you cried as he lowered you to the floor, holding you as close to him as was physically possible. An earth-shattering sob wracked through your body, the sound of your pained cries bringing tears to your friends eyes.

* * *

_La, la la la, la la la, now everybody’s singing_

_Then I swear we can make this last_

* * *

“Good afternoon from Tokyo. We’re coming on the air with heartbreaking news for the music world. Nippon News Network is reporting that lead singer of the popular band “Angst Central” has been killed in a plane crash. While an investigation is still underway as to what caused the accident, the music world is already mourning the loss of the gifted singer.”


	2. If I Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cross Posted to Tumblr  
> A songfic based on the song of the same title by A Day to Remember  
> You struggle to recover from the grief and guilt that came from losing your boyfriend.

_If I leave bet you’ll wish I stayed  
_

_Make you regret all the things you said to me_

_You know that time can’t help us now_

_If I leave this, if I leave this way_

* * *

“Time heals all wounds.”

The voice behind this quote had obviously never felt such a stuttering loss before. How are you supposed to heal when the crushing weight of guilt and grief weighs so heavily on your soul? How can you move forwards when the one place you long to be is in the past? Will things ever be okay again?

You stared up at the blank ceiling from the floor of your dark, empty bedroom. Your limbs felt as though they were filled with lead. Your head swam with the pure exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm you. Six months had flown by in the blink of an eye, and you still couldn’t breathe. During the rare hours you would manage to sleep, you would do so on the couch or in a pile of blankets on your floor. You couldn’t bring yourself to sleep in the bed. How could you sleep there when the moment your head touched the pillow memories of Semi would crash over you like ocean waves during a hurricane? You were drowning in the pieces of your love that lingered.

* * *

_If I leave I’ll move away_

_And try to right all the wrongs we ever made_

_Won’t let your problems weigh me down_

_If I leave this, if I leave this way_

* * *

Today was your birthday. ‘What was the point in birthdays?’ you thought as you silenced your alarm. You had cancelled all of the plans your friends had tried to make, no longer interested in going out. There was nothing worth celebrating.

Monotonous, that was the word you would use to describe your days. Life was dull without the vivid light that was Semi by your side. Your rainbow had been drained to shades of gray, even fresh rain couldn’t bring the color back. Your head leaned against the cool material of your desk, the bustling of the busy workspace around you sending throbs of pain through your skull. You were most likely dehydrated, and the sleep exhaustion was probably beginning to kick in. You knew you should take better care of yourself. You could hear Semi scolding you for letting his passing ruin you this way.

“LN-san,” the gentle voice of the office receptionist shook you from your dark thoughts. You looked up to see her awkwardly holding a vase filled with flowers. A small note was tucked into the stems. “A delivery for you.” She sat the vase on your desk with a small bow and rushed away. You frowned, pulling the card towards you. Everything stopped when you saw the familiar handwriting on the thick paper.

“Happy Birthday darling. I can’t wait to spend this day with you. I love you always, Eita.”

You needed to escape this now haunted place.

So you did, you packed away every photograph and every memory that went along with them. You bought a new apartment in a new city where you found a new job. Everything was new. The smells in the air, the noises outside of your window, the faces you would pass on the street- it was all unfamiliar. You started to feel alive again with nothing to tie you down.

* * *

_Never thought I’d be the last one standing_

_Never thought that we would come this far_

_You’ll always be there looking over my shoulder_

_I’ve come to terms with exactly what we are_

* * *

Two years had passed since you had lost Semi. Even moving to the other side of the country hadn’t truly helped you cope with his loss. Therapy was helping you function normally again. You now slept in your bed instead of on the floor. You started to eat two full meals a day. You made new friends, and even went out with them sometimes. You were alive and well, but you weren’t really living.

Your coworker’s had invited you out to a small bar close to your workplace. You agreed, it would be better to join them than to spend another evening at home binging old tv shows and eating take out. You enjoyed the company, listening to the stories they shared about their lives outside of the office. You were grateful that they never pressured you to reveal any stories of your own. If you wanted to talk, they would listen. If you preferred to remain silent, they would fill the air with their own memories in your stead.

Tonight you felt like sharing. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through your system, or maybe it was just that your heart was ready to start beating again. You weren’t sure what spurred you to speak, but once the words started to fall from your lips they wouldn’t stop. You knew you were crying, the concerned glances shared between the group telling you as much. You told them everything- how you had met Semi, what had made you fall in love with him, the life you had built together. As you drew to the end of the tale, you grew silent. They were all aware of what had happened to the singer, and their hearts went out to you as they watched you mourn your loss.

After what felt like hours, you left the bar. Your cheeks were tear stained and your eyes were sore from crying, but you felt a weight lift from your shoulders. Maybe, just maybe this was the breaking point. The point where you could finally lay Semi to rest within your heart and start to live again. You stared up at the blanketed sky from the corner of the street, a genuine small making its way to your lips. “Goodbye Semi,” you whispered.

The crosswalk light signaled you to journey across the street, and so you did. These were the first steps of a new chapter in your life- the chapter where you would learn to love yourself again. A horn blared, tires screeching as you paused mid-step. The lights were blinding, casting an ethereal glow around your body.

* * *

_It’s been a long time coming  
But everyone’s going to hear me now_

* * *

Taichi crouched before the markers in the graveyard. His dark brown eyes swimming with a resigned sadness. “I always knew that you two would be the death of me,” he mumbled as he fixed up the spots, placing flowers along the base of each marker. “I hope that you finally found peace together. I’ll see you in the next life, friends.”

He stands, walking to the small gate before turning back. A beam of sunlight filters through the clouds, illuminating the area. His eyes linger on the names etched in the rough stone.

Semi Eita was finally reunited with the love of his life, LN YN.


End file.
